THE UNTOLD STORY OF MY AWAKENING
Hi, my name is Natasa Stojanovic and I have decided to share the story of my awakening here, in order to inspire you and give you more background about where I am coming from.
My mission is to assist you in your own unique awakening and expansion into who you truly are and support you in bringing more love, joy, ease, flow, abundance, health and vitality into your life.
It lights me up to inspire, share, open my heart and bring that amazing light and love, which is available to all of us, into my daily life, and to assist you in doing the same.
But I haven't always been the person I am today.
Even though from a very young age I was interested in healing and how life "really works", I did not grow up in a supportive environment for an empathic and highly sensitive being like I was. Through early childhood experiences and trauma I learnt to suppress my feelings, sensations and true desires, like many of us did at a very early age.
I learnt not to honor myself but to adapt. Too many times I had experienced myself as powerless in order to believe differently.
Growing up in a family of self declared atheists, I learnt very early on that I was alone and that there was no universe to hold my back. Luckily, at the same time, my parents were hugely interested in everything that was "unexplainable".
Even though it took me decades to come to peace with source, I inherited the desire to explore healing, energy and consciousness and followed that ever since I can remember.
Also, from early childhood I had a great passion for the ocean, its beings, its energy. And this passion stayed with me until today, and should become a driving force throughout different phases of my life.
At the age of 21, I found myself in an unhealthy, co-dependent and abusive feeling relationship. I had insomnia to the point that I was waking up 7 times a night, gained weight and experienced a series of unclear symptoms. I did not dare to talk about it, and everyone was waiting for us to get married. Luckily we never did.
It took me 6 years to gather my power and break free.
In 1999 I finished my University degree, left the relationship and my apartment, sold my car and moved to the Red Sea to follow my passion for the ocean. After a couple of months, I started working as a diving instructor and spent 3 wonderful years at the Red Sea. My physical symptoms disappeared almost completely.
EXPERIENCING MIND BODY CONNECTION AND THE POWER OF THE OCEAN
Through being a diving instructor and guiding diving safaris, I experienced the healing power of the ocean. I was blessed to witness many miraculous changes in people, simply through being in, on and with the ocean. The most impressive healing that I have been blessed to witness was a young man who joined on a diving safari. He had severe insomnia and was suffering from traumatic memories, and on that safari he slept through the night for the first time after years and years of waking up every 1-2 hours, every night,
There were many miracles like people moving through fear, releasing fight or flight, or entering the water angry and coming out happy and relaxed. I simply loved it.
I started Free Diving (Apnea) and I discovered a lot about Mind Body Connection. I learnt about the power of the mind, the power of relaxation, the power of breath and how my emotional state immediately affected my body. In Free diving you cannot fool your body, no matter how hard you try.
I was inspired to learn more. After 3 years in Israel I moved back to Switzerland. I studied Coaching, NLP, Energy Psychology, Psychoneuroimmunology, Epigenetic and Neuroscience. I became a business and life coach and a facilitator for experiential learning.
But I had forgotten that it was about BEING, not doing, and the years that followed were comfortable but felt empty inside.
SUCCESS AND EMPTINESS
I worked mainly in the field leadership and team development, and I was teaching stress reduction and burnout prevention. With my private clients, who mainly came for personal reasons, I would do healing processes and mainly using energy psychology and mind body tools. But I kept those two world separate. In a way I was still hiding. And that limited my abilities to open up to my gifts and my purpose. I was living two lives and kept my wisdom secret.
I had a good life, enough money for all I wanted to do, and I had a job I liked. I had a good relationship.
But it was anything but fulfilling.
On some level I knew there was more to life than what I was experiencing, but I suppressed it. I felt alone and empty. Caught in a world where being rational was more important than being empathic and achievement was valued higher than connection and love.
In my case, I was not working crazy hours, on the contrary, I was very conscious of the fact why I chose to be self employed, which was freedom.
But I felt empty, because I did not fully follow my heart, I did not live my true dreams, I did not even know any more what my calling was. My energy started being depleted, not because I worked too much, but because I denied my calling, my purpose. My heart was closed and I was not stepping up for myself. I was hiding my truth.
Since I was always very empathic, I could often feel that emptiness in my clients, too.
Just like me, many of them had suppressed their true dreams and desires, and their hearts’ longing for a deeper connection and love. They had also been hiding their true self, afraid to loose their jobs if they would speak up.
Their true desires were buried under constant adaptation to an ever changing world, under the pressure to deliver, to do it right, to be the most successful or simply to be productive. They were buried under fear of loss, of not being enough, or not being loved as they were, thus driving them to do more and achieve more.
All they had learnt was to shut down and keep going.
Just like me.
Just like many of us.
THE DARK NIGHT OF MY SOUL
After 12 years in this job, life forced me to stop.
A traumatic experience literally shattered everything I had ever believed in. I lost the ground under my feet and experienced depression for the first time in my life. I moved through depression in around 4 months, applying all the energy work and mind body tools I knew. But I was not happy. Even though not depressed any more, I was disillusioned, confused, still full of resentment and caught in the drama. And I felt lonely.
At some point, I was so fed up with the way my life went, that I asked the universe to finally send me my master who I could learn the secrets of life from. I had always imagined to find that "master", that enlightened teacher with a white beard and still vital like the great qigong masters, unraveling the secrets of life for me. It was only natural for me to finally call out for "him".
Two months later I was pregnant. I knew I was going to be a single mum right away. Luckily at that point I did not know that I would not only be without support in pregnancy, but that I would be a single parent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for years. No weekends. No nights off. No exceptions.
Ask, and you are given.....Little did I know that this was my awakening and that my master had arrived.
By the time my son was around 3 years old, I had almost reached the point of burnout. I had given up my own well being for my son, wanting to be the best, most conscious and most loving mum, forgetting about myself completely. I was in constant fight or flight due to my perspective of the circumstances of my life. I felt dissatisfied, victimized and unhappy. My physical and emotional wellbeing was gone.
I experienced constant fatigue, a lot of digestion problems, thyroid problems, constantly recurring infections and more. I was sick half of the time, I became impatient with my son, I was overwhelmed, I shouted at him for little things.
TRYING HARD TO HEAL
By continuing my emotional healing work, learning to take care of myself and gradually changing my lifestyle, I started feeling better to the point that I could get through the day without suffering.
I wanted to heal so much, I tried to fix myself, did all the work, listened to all the spiritual teachers I resonated with, went to a series of doctors, did "all" the self help that is out there.
I got back on my feet again, but "it worked" only to a certain point.
Even though some of my lab results improved to the point that I was ok to move on, and I had a consistent routine of movement, meditation and relaxation, I was still not feeling really vital, I had lost my joy, that deep feeling of joy that I remembered having felt in my early years. I was still caught in that consciousness of having to fix and solve, and something was missing.
One thing that constantly made me cry was when I heard people talk about purpose, about following their hearts, finding their mission in life.
I thought it had to do with my passion for the ocean and my wish to find that place where I would live, right at the sea, with a beautiful community of like minded people, where I would work in my healing center (for a lack of a better word), at and with the ocean.
I set out with my son to travel, to follow that burning desire. I was hoping to find the place where I wanted to settle. But nowhere felt home. No opportunities showed themselves. I did not meet the people I was hoping for.
Still, I knew, there was something there for me in this longing, even though I was not ready to access it.
What truly lead me on the path of awakening and true healing on every level is the love for and from my beautiful son. I knew I wanted to be a better mum and an amazing role model for him, and my main focus became opening my heart to that amazing being who was mirroring my consciousness and vibration every single day. From that, I realized that if I wanted to meet him in love, I needed to love myself.
Over time, my seeking for health and solutions had turned into a deeper calling for true healing and living from my heart, and for embodying a deeper consciousness of who I truly was, which on some level I knew was love and above.
I started letting go of being busy with what I thought my life should look like, of fixing, curing and changing, of pushing and pulling. I embarked on a true healing journey that went deeper than anything I could ever have imagined.
I started embracing all of who I truly am, and stepping into my power and sovereignty. I started loving myself unconditionally, all I am with no exception. And I started seeing the beauty of who I was and how everything was perfect, exactly the way it was.
That is when I truly started healing.
Not through trying to cure my body symptoms, but through opening my heart and stepping into my true power.
My life has shifted in ways I would never have imagined and that is hard to describe.
I have far more vitality, joy, fulfillment, grace and ease.
My perception started shifting, and so did my state, my vibration.
My body continuously follows as a natural evolution of this shift.
Synchronicities started coming in, to a point where I know they will happen as an answer to a question or desire.
My sensitivity is becoming the greatest gift as opposed to the burden it used to be.
And that is only part of it, as words can not describe what I feel. I am definitely not the same person that I used to be, even a year ago.
I know that my path is ever unfolding. My connection to the Ocean, Mother Earth and all beings is more visible than ever.
The biggest lesson I took away is that true healing happens through commitment. The commitment to open our hearts, surrender in presence and re-align to love consistently, moment to moment. It is the commitment to self love. Everything else is a consequence from raising our vibration, form the frequency that we are embodying when we start to be the change.
From that perspective, finding my purpose is simple: I follow what lights me up from an open heart of love.
And it lights me up to support women and men to open their hearts and step into their true power of who they came here to be. And to guide them to learn more about how to be the change they want to see in their lives and in the world.
Are you ready to fall in love with yourself and your life? I am happy to co-create with you.
FIND OUT HOW I CAN ASSIST YOU
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